Mariana Sanford Maynard

Mariana & Tony V

In the first episode of my series “Conversations on Connection”, I interview comedian Tony Viveiros on how he makes connections with his kids and family through humor. Tony Viveiros is a stand up comic and actor who has been dubbed “a Boston treasure” by the Boston Globe. Some of his roles were in movies such as “The Town”, “The Heat”, and “Pretty Like Me.”  Tony discusses how he uses comedy in his home to make connections with his kids, how they check in with each other, and plenty more.

Are you having trouble making those connections with your kids, or letting loose with them every once in a while? Let’s schedule a free 15 minute phone consultation to discuss how I can help you as the Supporter.

Click here to book a call today.

Parenting doesn’t come with a handbook, but take a look at some of my recent Parent Education blog posts for some resources.

You can find out more about Tony and his work on his website, http://www.tonyvcomic.com 

The idea of Family Support (in the form of therapy) often times conjures up images or ideas that seem complicated, painful or even scary. Let’s take a moment to break down some of these misconceptions:

 

Why & when to seek out Family Therapy?

A family is made up of separate individuals who have a connection to one another. And together they create a group that can be a source of loving, supportive, caring, and enjoyable energy that feeds our spirits. The personalities and energies of everyone in that group contribute to the overall feeling of the group. Like the spokes of a bicycle wheel – their collective strength help maintain the shape and function of the wheel.

Yet, what happens when one of the spokes loosens, gets warped or breaks off altogether? The wheel keeps turning, sure. But the other spokes are stressed, and the entire wheel looks well worn and needing repair. The other spokes quickly show wear and tear and soon a trip to the bicycle shop is needed for a tune up.

This is no different among family members. One member being sick, not involved, stressed or leaving can affect everyone else in the family. And often, not in obvious or direct ways. For example:

  • Exhibiting  symptoms of a problem a sibling is experiencing.
  • Becoming more aggressive at school while parents go through a divorce.
  • Regressing developmentally in anticipation of the birth of a younger sibling.
  • Adult in the family may start having anxiety, overwhelmed by the responsibilities of caring for young children and aging parents.
  • Teens/Parents are drinking or using prescription or recreational drugs in excess.

All of these behaviors are symptoms and signals that the family’s own ability to heal itself , may need a boost.

Seeking Help

A family psychologist, social worker, clergy person, licensed mental health clinician are some of the options to seek out for support. The experience varies but often involves group and individual sessions. Treatment can be short term. Whatever the identified reason for seeking out support for your family, the therapist’s role after listening to scenarios and symptoms presented is to work on developing specific changes  that can support the family while resolving concerns and issues – such as aggression, establishing a routine, specialized resource identification.

Working with a specialist to support your family is a great way to strengthen and heal the connections that make your family, yours. Your family can be,  an incredible source of strength to all its members.

For further reading:

Misconceptions about Family Therapy

When Do I Need a Family Counselor

Featured on: We Turned Out Okay

Throwback Thursday!

Mariana was featured on We Turned Out Okay with Karen Lock Kolp, M.Ed

In this episode of Karen’s podcast, she and Mariana discuss handling parenting challenges with early childhood.

Karen is an expert in child development, and helps parents understand their young kids with the We Turned Out Okay podcast.

Listen to a quick clip of the podcast below:

To hear the rest, go to Karen’s site, “We Turned Out Okay” for the full episode.

Lets face it, as parents we can be our own worst enemies. We feel guilty and worry about everything and anything in between. There are often questions, worries, and doubt that play across our minds. Like a parade that takes place in your brain.

Think of each worry and concern that comes up for you like a parade float that beckons your attention. It’s hard to ignore, you stop and notice each one before going on. And in a parent’s case, these parades can pop up anywhere. But rather than the fun you have at a Carnaval parade in Rio De Janeiro, these floats don’t inspire joy. They bring about anxiety, insomnia, and much more. It’s time to take control of these concerns.

Transforming Concerns to Buildable Steps

We can transform the concerns into steps that will support and reward ourselves for doing the difficult, exciting and rewarding work of being parents. Lets diminish the weight of worry so we can  parent by being present, connecting with and caring about, our children.  We need to remind ourselves of that often!  Guilt and worry do not support us in being kind to ourselves. I used to teach my preschool students how to pat themselves on their shoulders and say” I did a good job!”. I’m now telling you to do the same.

I’m not going to even suggest getting rid of guilt and worry, that’s just impossible. But instead, I suggest taking steps to reward yourselves through doing the work of being parents.

We have to try! And as I’ve been told by my teachers and colleagues: baby steps count!

 

Your Simple Steps:

Write

Write it down! Grab a journal, a piece of paper or even colorful Post-It notes. When the parade pops up, stop and ” watch”. Write it all down. Notice what comes up, what you feel. Sometimes just naming it can provide you with some release.

Observe

You can also use your notes as a physical representation of your worries, doubts, and guilt to make connections and recognize themes . For example, if your “parade floats” include: “Child not eating vegetables” and “Dinnertime…UGH!” Then you can combine two floats into one, for example, “Mealtimes.”

Notice any physical reactions you may have when the float goes by: tightness in your chest, a pit in your stomach, your jaw tightens? Observe it.

Prioritize.

It doesn’t matter how many floats your parade has, try and prioritize them. Lighten the load. What feels pressing? Does one float feel larger than another? Try and find information, support and solutions for that float first. You might find once you get going on this one concern, you can take on the other floats with greater ease and energy.

Using these steps, you can slowly take control of your concerns with actionable steps.

Here to help you name your parade floats and to find solutions to minimize parade pop ups! If you’d like to discuss solutions further, please contact me!

With Hope, Truth, & Mirth!

Mariana

Resources

One of my favorite books is “The  Gifts of Imperfection” by Brené Brown. My love of her message, work, and books is a topic for another or several other blog posts. I mention this book because it is a great read and helpful in letting expectations, go! If you aren’t familiar with her or her books, check this out:

Brené’s Site

The Gifts of Imperfection